"Hey La, Hey La, My Ex-Boyfriend's Back"

Excerpts From: ACT ONE

SCENE C
INT. HALLWAY - GRACE AND MICHAEL ARE THERE.

MICHAEL
Grace, small question: (RE: HER APARTMENT) This cardboard and bubble
wrap thing isn't your trademark, is it?

GRACE
No, my trademark is attracting sarcastic gay men.

GRACE NOTICES MICHAEL HAS STOPPED IN FRONT OF THE CLOSED DOOR 
OF WILL'S APARTMENT. 

GRACE (CONT'D)
Michael?

MICHAEL
I used to live there.

GRACE
I used to live there, too


MICHAEL
Was he a clean freak with you, too? 
Did he follow you around with Dustbuster whenever you ate a muffin?

GRACE
You were allowed to eat in the apartment? 
He must have liked you more than a friend. 
Ooh, wait. I'll be right back. I forgot MY Vitamin E stick. 
I am having such lip issues, but we have all day to talk about that.

MICHAEL
(FLAT)  Goodie.

SHE RUNS BACK INTO HER APARTMENT. MICHAEL STANDS IN THE HALLWAY BY HIMSELF.
SFX: ELEVATOR DING THE ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN.

WILL
Michael.

MICHAEL
Will.

JACK
Oh. My. God.(THEN, RE: BLADDER) Ohmygod. HE RUSHES INTO WILL'S APARTMENT.

WILL
How are you?

MICHAEL
Good. You?

WILL
Good.

MICHAEL
Grace and I are going to Time Cafe. 
We're going to discuss sofas and dry lips.

WILL
Yeah, she's having issues.

MICHAEL
God, I haven't seen you in ...

WILL
I know. It's been ...

MICHAEL
It's been ... Yeah.

AFTER A MOMENT, GRACE COMES OUT OF HER APARTMENT,
GRACE
Okay, ready to -- (NOTICING THE TWO OF THEM) Oh.

MICHAEL
Yes. Gay-ja vu.

GRACE
I thought you guys were going to a movie.

WILL
Jack had a large Sprite, and well, I promised him 
a gold star if we had a dry week.

GRACE PRESSES THE ELEVATOR BUTTON

GRACE
Well, we should get going, because ... Rashid at the sofa place deplores tardiness.

SFX: ELEVATOR DING THE ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN. 
GRACE STEPS ON. LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR A BEAT, THEN: MICHAEL AND WILL

MICHAEL
You look really good.

MICHAEL -STEPS ONTO THE ELEVATOR. THE DOORS CLOSE.


ACT ONE  SCENE E
INT. MICHAEL'S TOWNHOUSE. MICHAEL IS UNPACKING SOME BOXES. 
THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. HE OPENS IT. IT'S WILL.

MICHAEL
Hi.

WILL
Hey.  Can I come in?

MICHAEL
It's a bit of a mess. Stuff Is still being moved in. But ... sure.

WILL ENTERS AND LOOKS AROUND.

WILL
Nice place.

MICHAEL
Thanks.

WILL
It's big. What do you need all this space for?

MICHAEL
Well, I'm thinking of getting a chimp. You know how they like to 
cycle around the place.

WILL
I've got mine on a Nordic Trak. He gets in his little suit, 
hops on, watches TV. He loves it. But enough about Jack.

MICHAEL
So, why are you ...

WILL
I didn't get a chance to tell you when I saw you in the 
hallway of awkwardness, but ... you look good, too.

MICHAEL
Thanks. Since I moved back to New I've started running a lot

WILL
(POKING HIM)Maybe you should wear a less expensive watch.

THEY LAUGH.

WILL (CONT'D)
That wasn't funny, was it?

MICHAEL 
No.(THEN) Listen, I was going to you because, you know, 
we haven't talked and --

WILL
(NOTICING SOMETHING) Oh, wow. 

WILL'S SPOTTED A NEAT OLD ART DECO CLOCK.  
HE PICKS IT UP AND EYES IT WITH A WISTFUL SMILE. 

WILL (CONT'D)
The first thing we bought together Unless you count those matching 
"I Can't Even Think Straight" t-shirts.

MICHAEL
Let's not ever mention those again.

WILL
And here it is, right in the center of the room. Where you can 
look at it every day. Interesting. And look, the second hand's still broken.

MICHAEL
Yeah, I've been meaning to get that fixed. 
Listen, you want to go for a walk?

WILL
Let me just say this first, Mickey. You're back in town, 
you're seeing a lot of Grace, you're hanging around old apartment, 
now the clock ...I think we both know --

ANDREW ENTERS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR, CARRYING A PAINTING.

ANDREW
Look out. Ill-advised impulse purchase coming through. 
Where do you want it?

MICHAEL
Bedroom's fine.

ANDREW EXITS TO THE BACK

WILL
New York movers for you. They move it and they judge it.

MICHAEL
Will

WILL
No, please. It seems like-you still have some feelings for me. 
And I just want to let you know that I... also have...  

HE NOTICES ANDREW IS LINGERING IN THE DOORWAY.  

WILL (CONT'D)
Uh, do you need to be here for this?

ANDREW
Uh, yeah, I do

MICHAEL
Will, this is Andrew Kirkland. We live together.

WILL
Wow. First they move you in, then they stay.

MICHAEL
Will,  he's my --

WILL
I know who he is, Michael. Nice meeting you, Andrew. 
I'll be going. And I'll be taking this with me. 
HE GRABS THE ART DECO CLOCK AND EXITS.

FADE OUT.


- END -